lilac-tidalwaves asked: you are the strongest most beautiful women I know, and I'm so lucky to call you my best friend. Hold your head high heavy heart.
I love you
I really just needed to vent…
I honestly hate that you will forever be in my thoughts as “my first love.” after so many people warned me that you were using me just to get some… I didn’t want to listen. You played me so good, making me believe that we would be something, something i always wanted. And you knew that. Two years toying with my heart to get some action and twelve years telling myself we would be something one day. The pick me up,do stuff then the “i gotta go’s, my dad wants me home early, imma be lates.” yet still have time to pick me up, drive to “our spot” get what you want and then drive hone awkwardly saying goodbye. Not even a kiss or hug goodbye after an hour of shit. You completely discuss me now that i see past your lies. Its been over two years of not talking to you and you still get brought up. All the time. I havnt been to a party with your family and my family being there since. You didn’t want anyyyyyone to know we ever hung out, kissed, or fooled around. But you get looked at as a good guy when my current boyfriend does something wrong and we end up fighting and you want to stick up for me. Why didn’t you just rip my heart out and step on it when you had the chance instead of breaking it in half then trying to put bandages on it. All this built up anger… No use for it. And our time together was so hidden and secretive and in through past now, i can never say any of the things i ever wanted to say to you that last night when you got what you wanted then never called or texted me again. I hate you Josh. I honestly hate the man i was in love with for 15+years. Because of you, i will never trust or love a man fully because what you put me through. Im so glad you can sleep at night, ny having a care in the word with.my struggles you put and still are putting me through.
